Who Would You Rather Sleep With?
In a clear and well argumented post (which title I borrowed) for NOMOREPOTLUCKS, Nicholas Little, an HIV outreach worker in bathhouses, bars and online chat rooms explains how stigma attached to being HIV positive puts HIV negative men at higher risk of HIV infection.
There is not much to add to the article but to emphasise the deep contradiction existing in the mind and attitude of like-to-believe HIV negative men: On the one hand, they naively expect and believe that HIV positive guys will disclose their status before sex, but on the other they would probably not engage in sex with their dream boy if they knew he was HIV positive; actually they would not even ask about it.
“Discriminating against guys with HIV doesn’t make you safer”, wrote Nicolas Little, “HIV stigma and discrimination contribute to a culture of silence in which gay men find it challenging to talk about their HIV status or HIV in general.”
“Because [guys aren't talking], some gay men make silent assumptions about the HIV status of their sexual partners based on beliefs they hold about who has HIV or how someone with HIV looks or where someone with HIV has sex.”
“When we make incorrect assumptions about the HIV status of the other guy in order to have unprotected sex and prevent HIV transmission, we can end up having unprotected sex with a guy whose HIV status is different than our own. This is when HIV transmission can occur.”
The spring edition of FS Mag produced by GMFA asked “Can we talk about HIV?” and unsurprisingly the response is rather negative:
“Not at the time, because it would spoil the mood.” Wing 33, assistant restaurant manager.
“Never, I just wouldn’t. It’s bad enough trying to get someone to put a condom on, let alone talking about HIV. I go for guys who I’m 90 percent sure don’t have it – I can make a very good guess. Anyway, HIV isn’t a cool thing to talk about, is it?” James 29, recruitment consultant.
“No, it’s something we don’t do. We don’t talk about HIV. It’s not necessarily because it’s something which is taboo – it’s just not right to talk about HIV and AIDS.” Lawrence 34, Flyerer.
“If someone asked me, ‘are you clean?’, I’d be pretty insulted. HIV is associated with sleeping around.” Andy 22, Works in Fine Arts.
“I just assumed the other guy was negative. And I wouldn’t mention anything about HIV before we had sex because talking about STIs turns you off sex.” Luke 23, broadcaster.
“No because we use a condom and HIV isn’t a very romantic thing to talk about it. Even if you don’t know the other guy’s sexual history if you say ‘I’m negative, how about you?’, it really kills the moment.” James 23, Actor.
HIV is not cool, it spoils the mood, it’s not right to talk about it, it’s a turn off. With so much fear and so many reasons to avoid getting infected one wonders why so many people and particularly young ones, still resist condoms, particularly in the West where they are available.
Altogether, ignorance, prejudice, and stigma add to the contradiction that despite HIV becoming a chronic disease manageable in the developed world with a one-pill-a-day treatment (which does not mean it is an easy life at all), the virus and talking about it still remain a taboo. Combined with young people’s lack of awareness on HIV in the developed world, this is more than an indication that something has gone and is going very wrong with HIV prevention and reproductive health education.
“With or without condoms (I choose with, but it’d be no different without): I would rather have anal sex with an HIV+ man whose viral load is undetectable than I would with a man who tells me he is negative, sleeps with a few guys each year, every so often fucks without condoms but hasn’t been tested for quite some time”, concluded Little.
“And you?”
Tags: Advertisement, Condom, Discrimination, MSM, Prevention, Sex, Stigma, Testing, Treatment, Vulnerability
