From Mekong Erotics: Men Loving/Pleasuring/Using Men in Lao PDR.
By Chris Littleton.
Bangkok: UNESCO Bangkok, 2008.

I am 52 and live several hours outside of Vientiane. I was born here and stayed at school here in the countryside until I was 16, when I moved to the capital Vientiane and got a job as a typist in a government office. I had never met a kathoey before. I had heard the word phumae (a term for male/female used for other species, but not humans) before, but never had anyone to talk to about such things. I knew by the time I was a teenager that I liked good-looking men. I used to talk with girls about which males were handsome. In the office where I worked, I met an older kathoey who started to take me around town. Another kathoey friend of his would grab me and I started to enjoy it.

In the late 1960s, the Fountain had hundreds of beautiful kathoeys who would hang around looking for partners. Westerners would prefer short-haired kathoeys, but the Chinese and Vietnamese would go for the ones with long hair. The Lido (bar) was famous for Westerners who liked opium (and boys). Then couples would go to the Apollo Hotel. I began to have sex with older foreigners and with younger Lao men. It was just for fun – no money was involved in those days. We used to go to the trees in front of LaneXang Hotel. I would get money from the foreigners, though.

After the revolution, lots of people were arrested. The Fountain became totally quiet. Everyone had to suppress their behaviour – to have short hair and behave like men. I still slept with foreigners for money sometimes…Russians and Vietnamese, but it felt uncomfortable. I would always rush home to wash myself – I felt like a prostitute. One day I went over to a friend’s house. After a while, I left with a boyfriend, but I heard later that the police had arrived and arrested everyone. There were five kathoeys who got sent to a rehabilitation camp on Don Tao (they told me later it was fun – because they had so much attention from other guys). I don’t know. Later, when they were released, they all went overseas.

I was scared to display any outward characteristics. It wasn’t like there were no kathoeys anymore, but just that we had to keep it secret inside our houses or beauty shops. I had no work and no income. Lots of people disappeared to Thailand, so after one year I decided to do the same. I prepared an inner-tube and with a friend arranged to meet by the river. The road as closed after 10 p.m., so we sneaked to the river. I met with friends (two women and three men). The pigs in the nearby pig farm were all squealing at our presence and I was terrified we would be caught. The farmer called out, “Have a good trip!” Leaving across the river in the tire, I got caught on a fish hook in my leg – I still have the scar. I had to chew through the line.

We made it to Sri Chiang Mai across the river. I climbed the ladder at the bank and called for help. Villagers got 500 baht for turning in people who have come across. I spent a week in prison. Police would take women away and have sex with them. In the prison, prisoners would try with women, and if they resisted, would turn to the kathoeys and rape them. I ended up in a refugee centre with 20,000 others. There must have been 200-300 kathoeys there. We would often have sex. Everyone was poor. Most guys were too lazy to study for vocational jobs. Girls and kathoeys were more diligent, learning about handicrafts or other skill. I studied to be a beautician. I registered as a student so I could emigrate to a Western country, but I didn’t get to go. Only soldiers did. Instead, I ended up going to Hainan in China. One thousand in all went there from our camp. There were many more males than women, so I had partners constantly for sex. Chinese men would also come to see me. I liked them much better than Lao men, who are like logs. They make me do all the work, whereas the Chinese are really affectionate.

I was happy there. I stayed for 10 years and didn’t want to come back. I had a Vietnamese boyfriend – he was a complete male. We were all returned about 16 years ago in 1990. I took over my parent’s land when I got back. It is country life: I work the fields, make baskets and do beauty work in the evenings at a small shop. Also for special occasions like weddings. When I first came back, I didn’t want to go anywhere. It wasn’t until about 1994 that I started to have sex again – with men who were married. After a few more years, I started having sex with younger men. I have to pay, but I like them because they are handsome and I can teach them and tell them what to do. I will give them 100,000 kip to ‘do’ me, or 50,000 if I do oral for them. A few years ago, there was a lot of drugs around and I could easily get guys by giving them drugs (ATS) – five pills for everything; three if he is receptive partner. But that has changed now – the police are more active in stopping the drugs – and those who are addicted to drugs are not at all attractive, but skinny and dark.

I always go out with two friends as I am scared of being attacked or robbed. Quite often we share – one guy for two kathoeys or vice versa. I used to use a Chinese version of Viagra®, but it is not much use if I don’t end up getting a partner. I don’t like to dress like a woman; I get really embarrassed by the thought of an old kathoey trying to look beautiful. I like to be alone – I am sorry I don’t have children, but I am content. I try to be discrete about my life not to embarrass my family. I never stay long with a guy. I will see him a few times, but then I get bored. Usually I will only see him once. We have sex in the bathroom or the fields. I did take care of one young man and supported him through high school. In the end, the young man told me all the sweet things he had said over the years were just lies to get money; that he didn’t love me and I should never trust a young man again.

Now I figure it is better to be alone. Of course, young men will lie to older kathoeys to get what they want. Nowadays, more money is involved. In the past, young men just wanted to experiment. It is easy to get sleeping partners these days because there is a new technical school in the area and more than 2,000 students from all over the country in the dormitories. On weekends it is easy to find someone for sex over there, but usually I meet them in the beer halls. Now I am old, and sex once a week is enough. People these days want sex at a very young age. At 14, most young men want to begin having sex. We kathoeys are often the first partner. But we could never be a long-term partner. It is against the custom (phit hetkhong). Sure, I could fall in love, but it couldn’t happen. I get bored too quickly.

I like life in the country. It is quiet and I can trust people. In Vientiane, an old kathoey is always at risk of being robbed.

© UNESCO 2008

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